The Oxford Manual of Style says the comma is "perhaps the most abused type of punctuation," and I’m inclined to agree.

There’s a story that goes around about a famous author who worked from his home. One day he joined his wife for lunch in the kitchen.

"You look exhausted," his wife said.

"I am," replied the author. "I spent the morning putting in a comma."

At dinner that evening, the author looked even worse.

"What did you do this afternoon that made you so much more tired?" his wife enquired.

The author sighed and said, "I took the comma out."

Comma usage is probably one of the most often discussed elements of proper grammar. To splice or not to splice? The most debated use of the comma would probably be that of the serial comma.

The serial comma separates two elements of a series, be they nouns, adjectives, adverbs, or predicates. For example, there are three serial commas in the previous sentence. The first one is your run-of-the-mill comma splice.

The "serial comma debate" centers on the use of the final comma in a series. For example, here’s a sentence where the author uses the final serial comma:

Brian’s restless eyes automatically recorded the usual litter of motel, gas stations, and fast-food restaurants.

[The Langoliers by Stephen King]

And here’s one where the author does not:

She came back to the table with the coffee, served her dad and sat down again.

[Out of Sight by Elmore Leonard]

Although most people seem to support the use of the serial comma, the decision as to whether or not you should use it is a personal one. Neither usage is incorrect.

I use the serial comma, myself, because I think it helps to clarify the elements in a series. Take a look at this example from The Handbook of Good English, by Edward D. Johnson:

I remember the gleam of the rain-washed pavement, the distant clattering of streetcars, the food smells wafting from the restaurant downstairs and the simple dress she wore.

Now, in this instance, the author has chosen not to use the final serial comma. But can the reader truly understand what he’s trying to say? To me, it seems as if he’s saying the food smells were wafting from the woman’s dress as well as from the restaurant. We can presume the author’s true intentions, but that final serial comma would remove all doubt.

Use it as a rule, even though it’s not a rule.

Ian

I seem to have started a trend.

After I began working in the CNIB Library’s Digital Publishing Unit, I took the advice of a friend and started wearing a suit and tie on Tuesday.

Why Tuesday? The theory goes something like this:

If you want to get noticed at work – for whatever reason – it’s always best to wear a suit and tie. Seems simple enough, but you must also know when to wear it. If you work in an office environment on a regular Monday-to-Friday schedule, then you’re probably already familiar with the quirky functionality of the workweek. For those of you who don’t, here’s a quick rundown:

Wearing a tie on Monday is pointless because, well, it’s Monday. It may look like everyone is at work, but their minds are still up at the cottage or at home in front of the TV. Wednesday’s no good, either, because it’s hump day – everyone is too wrapped up in the week being half over. On Thursday they’re thinking about Friday, and on Friday they’re thinking about the weekend. So, consequently, Tuesday is the only day your co-workers truly notice you.

It sounds strange, but it works. I know because today I came to work and everyone in my department was wearing a suit and tie.

How to win friends and influence people, indeed.

Ian

Strangely, I’ve been getting a number of emails regarding the old sites I created a few years ago – namely Wasteland Online and The Cutting Room Floor. Mostly it’s people who have enjoyed the sites and have questions about specific movies, trivia, etc. I’m not sure why people are visiting the sites now (they’ve been archived with little to no updates for close to a year), but I’m certainly not complaining. One of my recent visitors was horror novelist Tamara Thorne, who enjoyed my review of Satan’s Cheerleaders. So much so that she’s going to try and find a copy for herself.

Speaking of novelists, I figure if the whole book-writing thang doesn’t work out, I’ll just open a chain of dessert bars that will rival perennial favorites Dairy Queen and Cinnabun.

The place is going to be called The Seven Deadly Sinammon Buns, and it will feature, yes, seven different kinds of cinnamon buns, based on the sins we all know and love. Sloth will be the extra large cinnamon bun; Greed will have extra syrup and frosting; Envy will be the little one for the kiddies; and so on.

The slogan: Going to hell never tasted so good!

If that doesn’t work out I have another plan: waffles shaped like tacos which you can pack with the toppings of your choice (strawberries, brownies, whipped cream, maple syrup, etc). I call them Waffos. It sounds Dutch. Maybe they could put them next to Yogen Früz at the food court.

Ian

I don’t listen to the radio very much, but when I do I usually have the dial turned to Edge 102. I don’t listen often, mostly because the Edge plays the same music over and over again, so if I hear a song I like I usually end up hearing it so many times I get sick of it. (I remember when Edge TV came out, a friend of mine said, ‘Great! Instead of a radio station that plays the same songs, we have a channel that plays the same videos.’) Anyway, like many of the radio stations in the GTA, Edge 102 has been talking about the Concert for Toronto (which could also be called SARS Aid) and the many artists who will be playing there. My beef is with the way the Edge has been promoting (or not promoting) the featured artists.

For those of you who don’t listen to the station, Edge 102 plays "new rock," which is what they call alternative music these days. As such, their DJs have plenty of angst and clever witticisms for evil mainstream music and the pop stars that are the bane of their existence. For example, Dean Blundell, the host of Edge 102’s ‘wacky’ morning show, was recently talking about the Concert for Toronto but acting like he’s never heard of one of the headliners, Avril Lavigne. Now, I don’t personally care for Lavigne’s music, but as I understand, these stars are giving their time at a considerable discount to help bring people back to Toronto in wake of SARS. Now if it were Britney Spears, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But Avril is far from being a Britney clone, and this concert is going to benefit the entire city.

The problem I have comes from a station that generates an image that anything that isn’t alt-rock is either below them or not worth knowing about in the first place. I once heard a DJ pretend to not know who Jennifer Lopez is. Why? Because he really doesn’t really know who she is? Not likely. He probably thought it was cooler to act like he didn’t know who she was … after all, he only ever listens to bands like Nickelback and the Foo Fighters, anyway, right? (I once heard a similar situation where an Edge DJ pretended to not know who the Spice Girls were.)

Even though I prefer the woods, I love Toronto and I think it’s really great what these musicians are doing to help us out. Having a local radio station pretend like they’ve never heard of Avril Lavigne – simply because she’s not part of their programming, or because it’s not ‘cool’ to know who she is – is not only stupid. it’s poor taste.

Ian

As I mentioned in my previous post, I missed attending a Mennonite wedding this Saturday past. I opted instead to spend the afternoon with my editor and her friend, who is also an editor (I’m so frickin’ spoiled). We picked up material for the costume I’m going to wear to Toronto Trek (what kind of geek am I, huh?) and went to see Wrong Turn at the Paramount. For those of you not up with the current tripe that is horror movies in the new millennium, Wrong Turn is like Deliverance if it had been directed by Wes Craven.

Instead of four quality actors playing regular joes, we get four second-tier kids playing a group of whiny twentysomethings who are chased through rural West Virginia by a trio of inbred wildmen. Apparently the governor of WV had issue with the film and sounded off in a press release about the inappropriate portrayal of West Virginians. Your tax dollars at work, friends.

Personally, I think the movie fails because Eliza Dushku doesn’t reprise her role as Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. No doubt she would’ve given those inbred hicks a real run for their money, which in turn would have made for a more interesting film. Instead I had my editor purring away next to me every time Desmond Harrington appeared on screen, looking like some prep who just walked out of a Gap commercial. No inbreeding there, I guess. But then who knows? One wrong turn deserves another.

Ian

Originally I wasn’t going to be on the show tonight. I had planned to be at a wedding up in Millbank (which is near Waterloo). Such an event isn’t terribly exciting, except for the two people getting married, but this was sure to be interesting because this was, in fact, a Mennonite wedding.

Now, I’m told the fellow getting hitched is actually a Progressive Mennonite (whatever that means), but I still thought it would’ve been a lot of fun. The person I was supposed to go with told me she wasn’t quite sure if there was going to be a dance because, progressive or not, they were still Mennonites. I admit that I know very little about Mennonites, except that they supposedly shun technology, but I have to wonder if they really do frown on people shaking their groove thangs. Maybe they just have something against me shaking my groove thang … which would be understandable.

Frankly, I’d be flattered if a religious group took it upon themselves to construct their belief structure around what I should and should not do in public.

Ianites. Oh yeah.

I mean, I still don’t have any curtains in my apartment. So I’m sure they could get my neighbors to endorse some sort of anti-nudity clause. Or even just a statute that stipulates I at least wear boxers when I make the trek from my bedroom to the kitchen – what I call ‘no-pants land.’

I really gotta stop writing these late-night Tangents.

Ian